Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Coming Apocalypse...and IKEA

Today I went to IKEA.  I go there sometimes when I need furniture, Swedish meatballs, or sitcom material.  I swear that when you walk through the doors of IKEA, you walk into an alternate universe.  It's a place of magic and wonder.  A place of happiness and lingenberry juice.  A place where all of the books on the display shelves are entirely in Swedish and most of the male employees are not only very attractive, but very gay.  I could stay there for hours.  In fact, I think it's physically impossible to go there for less than an hour.  I think I was there for at least two this afternoon (in my defense, it's on the other side of town and I don't get to go very often).  I went in with the purpose of scouting out a new bed frame and ended up buying an area rug and a toilet brush.

Hey, it was a cute rug.  And how could I pass up a 99 cent toilet brush?

On another note, if and when the zombie apocalypse happens, I am totally making a run for IKEA.  It's like a small, stylistically furnished village.  Once inside, I would have everything I need and could live for days, maybe even months.  The amount of time I could survive in an IKEA all depends on how long the supply of meatballs lasts. 

Of course, there is the possibility that this sanctuary would be guarded by a small army of undead IKEA employees.  But the kitchen utensil department is generally full of things that I could use to kill zombies upon my arrival.  I bet I could smack a bunch of them in the head with a rolling pin.  Or maybe I could just recklessly hurl cutlery at them from across the floor. 

Okay, so nothing in my current personality suggests that I would be capable of such a bad ass, Kill Bill-esque move.  But I hear that zombie apocalypses bring out the best in people. 

With my luck, I would probably end up encountering zombies right next to the salad tongs, egg beaters, and whisks.  And then I would be stuck trying to take on a whole horde with my salad tongs of fury.  So uncool. 

I feel like this wasn't what I intended to write about when I sat down to write this post.  Ah well, it's never a bad time to think about the coming apocalypse, right?

That's all I've got tonight.  Over and out, comrades. 

16 comments:

  1. I love just being in IKEA - even just to wander around furnishing my future apartment in my mind.

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  2. I swear to you that I have had the zombie apocalypse conversation IN AN IKEA! it's the perfect place!

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  3. I agree with both you and Lacey. IKEA would be an ideal zombie-apocalypse war base.

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  4. Lacey and Z.J. - Glad I'm not the only one who thinks IKEA would be the perfect hideout. Maybe I'll see you guys there when zombies start roaming the streets. :D

    Benny - That sounds really bizarre but really cool. I might have to take a pilgrimage to NYC just to go there. Haha.

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  5. When I was in high school my friends and I would play the game "if there was a blackout what store in the mall would you most want to get stuck in"...obviously Ikea wasn't in the mall, but a goood choice.

    I need to venture to Ikea soon, it's been far too long.

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  6. Remind me to stick near you when the Zombies attack. I'm sure we can live for quite a while in Ikea. ^^

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  7. Adria - Yeah, I think IKEA beats most stores at the mall. My second choice of a store to hide out in would be Costco. But IKEA is far more stylish and therefore is choice number one.

    Sheri - Alright, you can be my zombie apocalypse buddy. Chad can come too. In fact, maybe you guys can just be my body guards. You know, pull out knives and mace on any zombies that come near me. I think that's the best zombie apocalypse survival plan I've ever thought of. :D

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  8. This is an awesome post! I saw you on 20 SB's. Ikea would work because there isn't that many entrances too & you would have a bed & some food so yeah you'd be set for a while!! =)

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  9. :) Glad you like it. Thanks for stopping by, Melanie. Maybe I'll see you at IKEA when the zombies strike. Hehe.

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  10. Hahahaha. Ikea is amazing. I got lost in there for an hour once.

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  11. You can always hit the zombies over the head with particle board, if all else fails!

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  12. Geek - It's a good place to get lost. Haha.

    theTsaritsa - I like the way you think.
    Particle board > salad tongs. :D

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  13. I'm sure if you loaded up on some better weapons than salad tongues, ikea whould probably be an ideal place for a zombi apocolypse.

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  14. Ikea is awesome and inspiring. :)

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  15. My first time here & OMG i loved it! And i love IKEA. I wish I could live there, apocalypse or not!!!

    Will def be coming back for more :)

    http://dkeveryday.blogspot.com

    ps: i own one of those 99cent toilet brushes. in white.

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