Boys and Girls

Let me start this off by saying that I have no problem with homosexuality. Personally, I'm a girl that likes boys, but I think that people should love whoever they want to regardless of genders. If you want to be gay, be gay. If you want to be straight, be straight. If you want to love both boys and girls, go for it. No judgment here.

That aside, I find myself continuously frustrated at how ambiguous sexual orientation can be these days. I think I used to have decent gaydar, but lately it seems to be broken. Maybe it's all the blending people seem to be doing. Polyamory is even acceptable these days, especially in the weird little hipster universe that I live in (I still don't really get polyamory, but that's a whole different topic).

Anyway, it's impossible to tell who's gay, straight, or otherwise. Like I said earlier, I don't care which way you swing. But it's nice to be able to know.

I guess I have a habit of putting the people in my life into boxes. I categorize them based on the behavior they exhibit and then I interact with them in an appropriate manner.

This would be a good system if people stayed in the boxes I put them in. I'm learning that people don't do that. People are too complicated to be sorted into brain boxes and they rarely stay in the category I think they belong in.

For example, if someone is going on dates with boys and giving me occasional fashion advice, I'm going to put them in the "gay best friend" box. I'm going to invite them over for disco parties. If they suddenly start showing interest in becoming more than friends with me, I'm going to be totally thrown off. Why? Because that behavior does not fit my expectation of how a boy in the "gay best friend" box should act.

I think I should stop pretending that everyone can fit neatly into a box. No more compartments. No more predetermined ideas of what my various friendships should look like.

The next part of this word vomit parade harks back to the age old question brought to you by our friends Harry and Sally (specifically when they met): Can men and women ever just be friends or does sex always get in the way?

If you know the answer to this question, please tell me.

I've spent my entire life trying to believe that platonic friends are possible. But the truth is, every platonic friendship I've ever had has been weird at some point in time for one of the following reasons:

a) He likes me and it's not mutual.
b) I like him and it's not mutual.
c) We like each other, it's mutual, it doesn't work out, and then it's awkward.
d) I don't like him but I think he likes me even though in reality he doesn't.
e) He doesn't like me but thinks I like him even though I don't.
f) He gets drunk and says something weird.
g) He gets a girlfriend and then has no room in his life for other girls.
h) A jealous party misinterprets our platonic friendship and starts 7th grade-style rumors.

I'm going to stop before I go through the entire alphabet.

Of course, friendships aren't always ruined over these things. Some of my greatest friends are of the opposite sex and we've totally moved past any weirdness or sexual tension. But I have also lost friendships because of these things. Though it should no longer be unexpected, it's always somewhat surprising. Not to mention disappointing.

I want to live in a world where men and women can be friends without having to worry about love or sex or what people think. Sadly, I don't think a world like that exists. I think the fact that one person has a penis and the other person does not is always going to come up in some way, shape, or form.

It's only taken me a little over 23 years to realize this. Go me.

This doesn't mean I'm giving up on platonic friendships, but maybe I can begin to view them more realistically. Maybe next time I can have a little foresight and I won't have to listen to all of my neighbors say "I told you so."

Tomorrow's Just A Song Away

When I was in college, I wrote a one act play about three friends that go for a drive late at night. I was even lucky enough to have it produced by the theater department on campus, but that's besides the point. It's a play I haven't really thought about in awhile. I thought about it today. I thought about this snippet of dialogue between the two female characters and their friend Crispin (a part that was totally written for a white dude but ended up being played quite by a fantastic Chinese exchange student):

BELGIUM: I might be breaking up with Maxwell.

CRISPIN: What?! But you’re like, in love with that guy!

BELGIUM: Yeah. But I’m also kind of in love with myself.

CRISPIN: Is that enough of a reason to break up with someone?

BELGIUM: Yes?

CRISPIN: You’re heartless.

TANGERINE: You’re fine dear. I totally support whatever decision you make. After all, it doesn’t have to be the bad kind of breakup.

CRISPIN: Aren’t all breakups essentially bad?

TANGERINE: No no. Ever hear of the Spice Girls? They broke up ages ago, but they still meet up every few years for a farewell reunion tour.

CRISPIN: So when you and Maxwell break up, you’ll be like the Spice Girls?

BELGIUM: That’s what I want, what I really really want.

TANGERINE: You really really really wanna?

CRISPIN: Zigga zigga ha. (bites into a potato chip)

BELGIUM: I just hope this breakup doesn’t go all Pangaea on me.

CRISPIN: Pangaea?

TANGERINE: You dunno about Pangaea breakups?

(Crispin shakes his head)

BELGIUM: They’re the opposite of Spice Girl breakups.

TANGERINE: Yeah. Pangaea break-ups are the kind where you drift really far apart and before you know it, BAM!-

BELGIUM: -You’re Eurasia and he’s not.

CRISPIN: That’s intense.

TANGERINE: Yeah. But don’t you worry. If you do decide to break up with him, I’m sure you’ll have a Spice Girl breakup.

(There’s a brief pause.)

CRISPIN: ...But aren’t the Spice Girls all lesbians?

They go on to pick up a hitchhiker and proceed to have conversations about life, love, and green libertarians from space. It's a fun play and maybe someday I'll post more of it, but the parts about green libertarians from space aren't really relevant right now.

The part about break-ups, however, is quite relevant. This evening I had alert all of my Facebook friends that "Lauren is no longer listed as in a relationship." Gah, I hate Facebook sometimes. I should make a profile for my cat or my keytar or something so I can list myself as in an open relationship with it and totally confuse the universe. But I won't do that. I like to at least pretend that I have a life.

As far as break-ups go, it wasn't horrible. I mean, it wasn't fun or easy, but it wasn't necessarily a heart-wrenching Pangea-style break-up. I'm not saying we're going to be the Spice Girls (I think that analogy is a little weak anyway). But I didn't walk away from everything hating him or being bitter towards him. In fact, I still care about him a lot. We were both fairly miserable though. It was hard admitting it to myself, but things weren't really working out.

We met at a coffee shop outside the mall. We talked. We agreed that it's over. A cheesy 80's song played in the background, proving once and for all that my life really is a sitcom. He drank the last of his coffee. I finished my tea. We hugged and parted ways.

I went into the mall and walked around Macys for a bit. They didn't have anything very interesting on their bargain rack today, but I still had to check. I know this is such a cliche girly thing to say, but shopping always makes me feel better (even when I don't buy anything).

This song was playing as I was browsing the shoe department:

It was a good song to hear at that moment. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but it's only a song away.

Okay, so it sounds cheesy when I write it out like that, but it seemed profound and logical at the time.

Anyway, I should go to bed before I end up writing anything too pathetic. I'm trying not to think too much about everything. I'm trying to just focus on moving forward. Like a shark, right? A shark has to keep moving forward or else it will die. "And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark." If you can tell me what movie I just referenced, you get a gold star.

And with that, I shall go to bed. Goodnight, comrades.