I had a lot to say on that inaugural day. So much that I posted twice, actually. After my melodramatic introduction, I launched into a bunch of idealistic babble about why I needed to travel the country.
Looking back on that first set of posts is quite strange. It's hard to believe a year has already gone by since I was freaking out about graduating from college and planning the Jack Kerouac-style adventure that never happened. Wasn't that just last month or something?
At the same time, it seems like an entire lifetime ago. I lived in a different town back then. I was still in school. I had completely different friends. I had vague goals for after college, but none of them involved breaking up with my boyfriend, moving into a commune, and starting my solo music career.
I guess you can say I've changed a lot in the past year. It feels like I have, anyway. But then I look at some of the words I wrote last year at this time, and I realize I am exactly the same.
The following excerpt is from Tuesday, March 30, 2010...
I live in America, where all functional members of society are expected to go to school until they obtain a degree that will land them their job of choice. This job will then pay for all the expenses of life but drain the life out of a person in the process.
I'm not ready for that. I don't know if I'll ever be.
The truth is, I've spent my whole life just wanting to make music. That is what really makes me happy. But I've also spent my whole life hearing people laugh when I say that all I really want to be in life is a rock star. People think it's a joke. People think it's impractical. People don't understand why I can't just be "normal" and go after a job that will make good money and suck out my soul in the process.
I'm done listening to those people.
A year later, I'm still sitting here thinking I want to make music for a living. But I'm also beginning to feel skeptical. My friends from my "old life" are quickly becoming balloons in the orbit of society and I'm wondering if I missed the memo. Even the guy that was going to travel the country with me in the name of trash rock now wears collared shirts and uses words like "investment."
But I'm too stubborn to give up on the crazy dreams I have. If I turn out to be the next best failure, at least my stories will be more interesting than most.
Anyway, I'm beginning to get all introspective. The Universe is probably going to show up and demand a cup of coffee if I don't knock it off.
I know I've said this before, but it never ceases to amaze me that people actually read and follow this funny little blog. A year ago, my audience consisted of my bandmate and my mother. Now I have nearly 80 followers. This blows my mind. I was even blogger of the month over at 20 something bloggers. The amount of encouragement you guys have given me is unreal and I am thankful for all of you guys. I didn't expect this to happen a year ago, but I definitely think of some of you as friends (The Transatlantic Support Group is totally proof that you can make friends over the Internet!).
So, thank you for making my first year of blogging a good experience. And thank you for putting up with rambling, self-reflective, link-loaded entries such as this one.
Here's to another year of "lauren vs. reality."
I'm off to acquire some more coffee. Over and out.