Friday, July 22, 2011

Mad Scientist Alert

I am convinced that the man across the hall from me is a mad scientist.

I know I have talked about this particular character before. I've dubbed him "Mr. Merry Christmas Forever" because of the way he charismatically wished everyone a Merry Christmas until about March. He's a very fascinating, intelligent human and though he rarely comes out of his room, I feel like we're actually kind of friends, or at least solid acquaintances. I guess in the sitcom that is my life, he plays the role of the nutty-yet-lovable neighbor who appears in the hallway long enough to offer a profound thought or deliver a one-liner.

He's always been strange, but he's gotten weirder over the past eight months. A couple of weeks ago, I made the following list in my journal:

REASONS THE GUY ACROSS THE HALL IS A MAD SCIENTIST

- He calls his room "The Laboratory"
• He says he's writing in there all the time, but what is he REALLY doing?

- Sometimes, his door is blocked off with black duct tape
What is he BUILDING in there?

- The silent, beautiful, mysterious woman he lives with
• Is she his lover?
• His sister?
• His assistant from a small Eastern European country who doesn't speak any English?
• The first prototype in his army of clones?
• An android robot he created?

- The Hair
• Does he put gel in it or does it stand straight up on it's own?
• Did he take a lawn mower to the back of it?

- The Walk
• He always looks like he's on his way to ring the bell tower
• Really, what's with the limp?
• Is he just being melodramatic or does he have gout?

- The way he enthusiastically greets people in the hallway
• Nothing says "I secretly have a whole room full of hideous science experiments" like a hearty "GOOD EEEEEVENING!"

- He's probably one of the smartest people I have ever personally met
• In the words of The Poet, "That man has way too many IQ points to be normal and sane."

-
Sometimes, he keeps his chest full of notebooks outside of his door
• The notebooks are all FULL of crazy, illegible handwriting*
• Some have charts, drawings, and diagrams

*(Yes, I sat in the hallway one night and flipped through this guy's notebooks like the good little voyeuristic creep that I am. In my defense, I had his permission to do this.)


This guy is TOTALLY a mad scientist. I am convinced.

5 comments:

  1. Notebooks chock full of drawings, driagrams, and unintelligible handrwriting? Sounds like your neighbor is the reincarnation of Leonardo da Vinci.

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  2. He sounds amazing. You should interview him for your blog. =D

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  3. Haha, I love that you did this!
    If you need help translation any of that Eastern European, I might be of some help, but I'm gonna have to have you put something in writing saying that I won't blow up :D
    Love your blog!

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  4. Loved the Tom Waits reference..."what is he building in there?"

    Maybe it isn't asbestos in your pipes that's making everyone sick...maybe it's whatever he making in his room.

    Meth lab?

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  5. Definitely a mad scientist. Or Meth lab. Although that's still technically a mad scientist.

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