Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I'm Having A Hard Time Coming Up With A Coherent Title For This One...

There's a moment in 30 Rock when Liz Lemon mentions she went to see an obscure art film on the weekend.  It then cuts to a shot of her buying her ticket at the movie theater, lowering her voice and saying "One for 'Hot Tub Time Machine,' please." 

I totally felt like Liz Lemon last night.  I was in a bit of a slump for several stupid reasons, including (but not limited to) the following:

The water in the building was turned off for repairs yet again.  I think there was a memo about that somewhere but I missed out on it.  I discovered this issue when I unsuccessfully attempted to take a shower.

The reality of being twenty-three.  Cliche?  Yes, completely.  But birthdays always bring along this realization of how quickly time passes and how unknown the future is.  Allow me to stop before I become too depressing.

My ongoing failure to write a decent song from start to finish.  Just call me Roger from "RENT."  Sometimes, I'm really prolific when it comes to writing songs.  But right now, I'm stuck in the mud.  I want my one song glory and I want it now! 

Frustration with the general male population.  Between awkward guys from high school resurfacing five years later to suggest we "grab lunch or coffee sometime," hipster boys disappearing into the night after promising they'll return when they've smoked a cigarette, and Facebook constantly reminding me that my ex-boyfriend is having a jolly good time on his own planet, I think I'm ready to become a nun for a little bit.  Except I'm not Catholic.  At all.  So there goes that plan. 

Anyway, those are all fairly silly things, but they can be the cause of a slump when thrown together as a combo pack and left to simmer in my brain for awhile.  Fortunately, I live only a few blocks away from the fabulous Academy Theater.  And last night, they were playing the movie that both of my husbands are in.

Naturally, I am referring to "Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World."  I got married to Michael Cera AND Jason Schwartzman when nobody was looking.  Don't feel bad if you didn't know.  I don't bring it up a lot because Michael likes his privacy and is a little embarrassed about being involved in a polygamous marriage. 

Hi, this post is taking a turn for the weird.  Let's return to real life, shall we?

I'm not going to geek out about "Scott Pilgrim" today (mostly because I've already done that).  Instead, I'd like to note that going to the movies alone can sometimes be a very satisfying experience.  Some people might think it's kind of sad, but I think it's the ultimate independent woman thing to do. 

I even treated myself to pizza and root beer from the snack bar.  I was about to order PBR (to go with my new-found hipster persona, of course), but then I remembered that I was by myself and therefore could shamelessly indulge in root beer.  Root beer > PBR (that's a "greater than" sign, for those of you who failed seventh grade alegebra).  Don't tell the hipster police I said that. 

Having a cheap theater within walking distance of me is probably a bad idea.  I could see myself turning into a character from a Woody Allen film and spending too much time at the movies during the day. 

Heh, now that I think about it, I'm probably already a character in a Woody Allen film.  I've got red hair.  I own a typewriter.  I can play the clarinet.  I'm awkward, anxious, and neurotic.  I think rabbi-related humor is funny and always appropriate.  The list could go on and on. 

Crap.  I am a character in a Woody Allen film.  Does that mean Woody Allen is God of the world I live in?  If so, I'm doomed.  But at least that would explain why I often have the uncontrollable urge to be obnoxiously witty. 

This post is weirder than most.  Congrats if you made it this far.  You are a blog-reading warrior.  Gold star for you. 

That's all I've got.  Peace out, amigos. 


  1. I used to think I was a character in a Woody Allen film, or perhaps even a female version of the director, but then I remembered that I didn't marry my adopted child so...

    PS-- I also really love Jason Schwartzman. I used to have a pair of sneakers that he signed for me, but I threw them away years ago.

  2. I used to think I was a character in a Woody Allen film as well. I bare, like you, all his characters usual traits; awkward, neurotic, anxious. I also over think far too much.

    Also, how could you take Michael Cera from me? He promised me our love was true.

  3. Also, I'm sensing we should do the relationships theme on TASG that you suggested soon.

  4. But I'm married to Jason Schwartzman! I can't believe he cheated on me!

    Also, you own a typewriter? I want a typewriter!

  5. Hehe. I'm glad to know I'm not the only Woody Allen character running around in this crazy world.

    Tsaritsa - How could you possibly throw away Jason Schwartzman sneakers???

    Rachel - Michael Cera just couldn't resist me. Don't take it personally.

    Allison - You must be lying. Jason loves me and only me!
    And yes, I totally have a typewriter. It's a cool old one too. Maybe I'll put up pictures of it sometime if I can get it off of it's shelf. It's ridiculously heavy. Haha.
    Also, yes, let's do the relationships theme on TASG. It might not be pretty but it will probably be entertaining. Let's go for it.

  6. Oh I read the whole thing. Congratulations on being a star in a Woody Allen movie, that used to be a goal of mine, but now he's into ScarJo and I'd rather eat my own toenails than watch her onscreen so I don't really care for him anymore.

    Diane Keaton, though...sign me up. And you...I'd watch you.

  7. Okay - It probably won't be pretty, but that is the point of The TASG - to confront the tough issues and make fun of ourselves in the process.

  8. Yesssssssss i love collecting gold stars!

    Is it sad that i'm pretty sure i've never seen a Woody Allen film? I'd google his credits right now but i'm lazy. But really, i'm pretty sure i haven't :\

    For the last 3 months i kept telling myself i should go to the movies by myself and just watch whatever movie no one wanted to come with to...but i never did. I guess it's not too late, but i think i'd feel stranger doing it in a big city. [pause] Ya you're right, i don't care - independent women! :)

  9. I was depressed the other night and watched Scott Pilgrim too. It made me happy again.

    I'll have to tell Michael to say hello to you the next time he is in town (I am determined to run into him one of these times he takes his grandma to the theatre... since you know, we only have one).

    It's amazing how such trivial things can be such a pain when piled all into one lump sum. Things that we could normally just shrug off start feeling like the biggest burden we can bare.

    Also. Men suck. a lot of the time. :)


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