Thursday, September 1, 2011

This Is Just Me Being All Neurotic (And Shooting Lasers From My Eyes)

I haven't felt very good for the past couple of days. It's probably just a combination of stress (cue lively chorus of "How are we gonna pay-ay-ay thiiiiiiis yeeeeear's reeeeeent?"), a fairly bad diet (cheese, bread, and coffee, anyone?), and living in a glorified ghetto full of lead/mold/asbestos/people that don't bathe (no one ever said Bohemianism would be glamorous). Also, when you share a kitchen with about 30 people (some of which choose not to bathe), everything becomes a germ factory from time to time (or, all the time). I'm staying off of WebMD and attempting to cure myself by taking ibuprofen, opening my windows to air out my apartment (but not wide enough for people to leap through), and eating only fruit (and pizza...and cookies...and cake...). I have no doubt that I will be totally fine.

Except that I remember being bit by an extraordinarily large mosquito one night last week when I was out on the stoop with The Poet and The Mad Scientist. It's no coincidence that I started feeling under the weather a few days later. I think we all know what that means: I HAVE THE WEST NILE VIRUS!

NOTE: I hope you know I'm being melodramatic for comedic purposes. I don't really think I have The West Nile Virus. But then again, I'm not allowing myself to look at WebMD right now, so I haven't checked the symptoms.

In other news, I did eat a tuna fish sandwich last week. And we all know that tuna fish has a recent history of being radioactive because of the disasters in Japan. That being said, I'm half expecting to wake up after several days of feeling crummy and suddenly have the ability to move stuff with my mind and maybe shoot laser beams out of my eyes.

I think it will be pretty cool once I get used to it...

I was about to say something stupid like, "It will be just like Spiderman!"  But then I remembered two things:

1)  Spiderman is kinda lame and has a dumb outfit!  Though who doesn't love those tight pants... 
2)  Spiderman was bit by a radioactive spider and therefore has spider-like qualities.  According to this logic, eating radioactive tuna would give me, um, tuna-like qualities.

"Yo, I'm the chicken of the sea!"

This whole tuna fish-induced radioactive super powers thing is slowly going from being a live action version of the paintings The Chef graciously hung in the kitchen....

Brilliant!  Simply brilliant!  What will that man paint next?
... to becoming reminiscent of an absurd little cartoon character I created in college.

Don't ask me how my brain works.  I don't know.  I just don't know.  
Now that I took this whole thing to the weird land of talking fish sticks, I don't really remember what this post was supposed to be about.

I think I'm going to go gorge myself on leftover pizza delicately eat a piece of fruit.

Peace out, amigos.  More interesting and relevant thoughts later, I promise.


  1. The chicken of the sea caption made me laugh! I also think the Chef's latest series is quite interesting.

  2. Haha, yeah... I secretly want The Chef's laser beam baby (titled "Blessed Hope"). I could see it working as album art. Maybe not the front, but the back or the inside cover.

  3. Stress (no job yet), a kinda bad diet and getting a crazy amount of mosquitto bites- I think we're almost the same person. The west Nile virus *actually* popped into my head when I woke up with 17 bites.

  4. Wow, the Chef is really good at painting! I hope you get better soon so you can enjoy your radioactive superpowers :)

  5. I'm known to freak myself out with WebMD. I hope you feel better soon.

    I also ate a lot of tune this weekend! I'll let you know if I start feeling funky.

  6. i'm really hoping the laser beams come soon for you. following and found you from 20sb.

    love, little.

  7. randomly found your blog and i am LOVINg the pix you have!

  8. Hahaha. I love the pic of you zapping that girl's dress.

    The Chef definitely paints some interesting works :)

  9. Google's Chrome OS just got vastly more useful, efficient and vital for its long-term survival, to undertake a round of regional theatre tours and he has financed trips to Europe and South America. Once approved, you will come up. Tuned to work with and when, what products and services offered by various experts and websites.

    Visit my page - internet marketing product reviews

  10. If you have never played some of these make your own video games with
    mobile phone you can send status to Facebook from your mobile phone now!

    Look into my blog; video game burning software


It makes my day when YOU leave me comments. :D