Thursday, December 1, 2011

Oh No!

Something terrible has happened.

I've let my blog become boring.

I'm sure you guys have noticed. Once upon a time, this blog was devoted to hilarious, unfiltered tales of life in a wacky artist's colony and was updated at least twice a week. It was something I loved to write and would spend hours typing away in the middle of the night, immortalizing the world around me into a strange and beautiful comedy. And slowly, something began to happen...

People began to read the things I was writing about. I was astonished. After years of pouring my thoughts into unknown LiveJournal accounts, I finally had a blog that people were reading! There were a bunch of cute little avatar faces lined up in rows under the word "Followers." I got comments from people I had never met in real life. It was the coolest.

But there was an uncomfortable side to this new-found blog personality: People I knew in real life were reading it. At first it was okay - it was just a few family members and a couple of old friends from college who would read it to keep track of me. But The Internet is a very public place, and soon word spread of my blog. Once I met a friend's new girlfriend for the first time and the first thing she said to me was "I've read your blog!" I can't really explain why, but I kinda wanted to punch her.*

As more people from my real life began reading my blog, I found myself having to answer to text messages and emails regarding the things I was posting about. No, that rant I wrote about boys was not directed at you. No, I don't really have a new hipster boyfriend - that was a joke. I'm sorry for making fun of anyone who has a corporate job. AND PLEASE STOP ASKING ME HOW I AFFORD TO LIVE.**

The feeling of excitement that I associated with my blog slowly diminished as the fear of offending someone or revealing too much about my life crept in. I even thought about shutting it down a couple of times, but decided that I should continue to write about my artist community experience in a way that was respectful to the characters involved. I felt good about this decision because most people in the artist community were oblivious to my blog-life and the elite few that knew about lauren vs. reality understood that it was not their place to read it.

And so I drudged onward. But as more and more people of the three-dimensional variety found my blog, I automatically installed more and more filters on my writing. Because so-and-so will read it, and they'll have something to say about it. Blah blah blah.

It's silly, but I've allowed all of this to crush my creativity.

And I've let my blog become boring. I assure you that my life has been as interesting as ever. I've got a back-log of material. It involves clowns, aliens, birthdays, boys, Vietnamese karaoke bars, fur coats, and a musical interlude at a laundromat - and I haven't shared any of it with you because I've been too busy worrying about who is reading my blog and what people are thinking of me based on what they read on this blog.

I'm sorry if this is all more melodramatic than the voice-over narration on a Lady Gaga video, but it's all true. And it boils down to this one conclusion, this one epiphany that I've had and this one commitment that I'm going to make:

I'm done letting this blog be boring.

I'm going to write about the world as I see it. And if you don't like it, you don't have to read it.

This might prove to be crazy, but I'm going to try to blog every day for the month of December. You know, to get myself back into the swing of things, and to make up for October and November.

Anyway, I think I owe everyone who is still reading this a big thanks for putting up with Lauren's Season Of Boredom. Thanks for sticking around.

That's all I've got for tonight. Peace and love.

Also... see you tomorrow. :)

*I also just didn't want her to be dating my friend, so that may have added to the punching impulse.
**Though I'm sure I would be asked this regardless of my blog presence.


  1. Rest assured, the boredom you feel you've inflicted is a serious exaggeration, but damn I'm excited to read about all the things you mentioned! Viatnamese karaoke? Umm, crazy. Lol :)

  2. Oh, I thought you were going to announce you were stopping blogging there. I seem to bring bad luck to blogs, every time I find a good one they close down!

    Anyway. I'm glad you're still writing. I came across your blog a few days ago via 20SB. Hello. :)

  3. daniela - Glad to know I'm maybe not as boring as I thought I was (I'm my own worst critic sometimes). And I can't wait to write about Vietnamese karaoke. Comedic gold. :)

    Amy - Hello! And welcome! Yay for 20sb connections. I think maybe you've brought good luck here, not bad. :)

  4. Looking forward to more wacky tales :) Though I feel privileged because I get special bonus material emails that most are privy to.

  5. I have been in your exact situation multiple times. I also told everyone that if they didn't like what I was writing that they just shouldn't read it (and by "shouldn't read it" I clearly meant that they should "fuck themselves in the ass with something hard and sandpapery"). I can't wait to read you backlog of adventures. And BTdubs, you can never be boring.

  6. Allison - Long live the bonus material emails! I think I owe you a couple... I've been behind on my inbox. :-/ I switched to a new computer a little while ago and my email account had a rough time adjusting to it's new digs.

    Jason - Haha! Thanks. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who's felt this way about blogging. I laughed out loud when I read what you meant by "shouldn't read it." That's the spirit! Hahaha.

  7. I TOTALLY feel you! My friends send me emails with subjects "about that blog post..." sometimes and it makes me want to vomit. It is a public forum, though, so we should be aware of that, but our ideas and insight is our own and we can share it if we feel we should/want to. We just need to be able to accept the judgment and defend it (isn't that REALLY HARD?)

    Part of being an artist of any kind is being able to separate what you need to do from the judgment of others. Do it because you need to, not because someone else likes it. There's a David Lynch quote like that but I'm too tired to get up and find the book its in. Or Google it. I'm too lazy, but you get it. ;)

  8. Eeek "our ideas and insight ARE our own and we can share THEM..."

    Can't deal with grammatical errors!

  9. Yeah, separating what you need to do from the judgment of others is definitely easier said than done. As writers/artists, we have it rough because everything we put out there is personal in some way, shape, or form. I guess every artist has to get the point of saying "f@#$ it, I'm doing things my way regardless of anyone's opinion." I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that struggles with this.
    And I'll have to look up that David Lynch quote - it sounds like the sort of thing I need to hang next to my bathroom mirror. Haha.

  10. I struggled with this a lot too -- it was the biggest reason why I kept Geeky Ambiguous Me a secret for so long. But then I hit that point where you are at now.

    Sometimes I find myself still restricting in some areas, and there are times where it is necessary. But for the most part, I like to just remind myself that this is my space and it's who I am. If people don't like what I think and what I believe, fine. They don't need to read it.

    And if they want to agonize over things and take things to heart that were not directed that way, well, that's their choice.

    I'm glad that you've hit the point where you can keep blogging without restricting :) It's definitely a freeing feeling :)


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