Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover...

Important things first:

I found my cat mug. I know that some of you were worried.


It was laying in the communal sink first thing yesterday morning. I gave it a very thorough scrubbing and made preparations to kill the fatted calf in celebration. I tried to ask it what happened, but it remained silent and refused to tell me of it's misadventures. Silly cat mug.

I'm just glad it made it home safely.

In other news, I almost cried last night when my studio guy blew me off yet again. The story this morning is that he fell asleep and forgot that we had a meeting planned. I guess it's understandable and I plan on forgiving him, but I've had a rough time working with musicians lately and last night's incident didn't help my frustration.

It didn't help to discover that Amanda Palmer played a ninja gig in town last night. It was free and I missed it because I was busy waiting around not checking Twitter. I actually didn't find out about the show until this morning and it made me want to crawl back into my bed.

I love music, but I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with musicians. I know, I know, I am a musician and there's probably something wrong with me too. And I really don't mean to offend anyone, so take everything I say with a serious grain of salt. But it seems to me that all musicians have that one obnoxious trait that you just have to deal with if you plan on working with them.

Take the guy that stood me up last night, for example. He's a great musician and I'm pretty sure he's genuinely a nice person. I think we're actually sort of good friends. He's got a great ear and loves to pretend he's George Martin throughout the recording process (meaning that sometimes perfectly manicured symphonies show up in my tracks).

So what's the catch? He's flaky! And maybe it's just karma getting me back for my own ongoing state of mild flakiness, but he takes the flaky thing to a whole new level. This is not your average "I'm a couple days past the deadline" kind of flaky. This is the "I went to Kansas for a month and forgot to tell you" kind of flaky. This is the "It will be done on Tuesday... no, Saturday... no, next Tuesday... no, next Saturday..." kind of flaky.

There was a point where didn't hear from him for weeks and I decided that I should just start throwing songs at other people. After all, the halls are full of creative-types here. Surely someone could help me out.

So I examined the list of local suspects and came up with the following options:

1. Pretentious Art School Hipsters That Wear Matching Ponchos And Ride A Vespa.
The Good: They have a really expensive microphone and will record for cheap.
The Bad: Their skills seem mediocre at best and they really like editing nature sounds into the background of tracks. Also, they think they are the hottest thing to ever set foot in Portland. Probably has something to do with the matching ponchos.

2. Guy Who Was Supposedly Kicked Out Of Portugal. The Man For Being An Alcoholic.
The Good: He's experienced.
The Bad: Um, he's an alcoholic.

3. Sensitive Singer-Songwriter Guy With Schizophrenic Tendencies.
The Good: He's very efficient, talented, etc.
The Bad: He appears to have a very significant mental illness.

4. Guy Who Appears To Be In His Own Solar System And Probably Has Some Form Of Asperger's Syndrome.
The Good: Charges ridiculously low prices and is secretly a sound-mixing genius.
The Bad: Conversation is difficult. Also, he's a bit unpredictable.

I chose Option 4, mostly because The Poet had a hunch about it and I've learned by now that he's right about things. For example, if he tells you not to go to Texas with your friend and her cousin, you better stay home because it's all a front for a drug smuggling operation. Anyway, he kept saying "Why don't you try Option 4? I think you should just give Option 4 a try..." At first I was too busy trying to make plans with The Pretentious Art School Hipsters to give it much thought, but that wasn't going in the direction I wanted it to go and I thought "Well, I've got nothing to lose..."

So I rounded up a buddy (there was no way I was going into that room alone) and handed my newest song to this guy.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: So, here's my song.
Him: Cool. *loads it onto the computer* So didja have a lovely day today?
Me: Yeah, it wasn't raining. How was your day?
Him: *spaced out look* *smile* Great! I was picking up candy wrappers downtown! I found some real cool ones!
Me: Okay...

He also informed me that though he plays guitar, he considers his main instrument to be the gourd flute.

This is not going to work, I thought to myself. I'm going to have to make things work with those hipsters.

It was at that moment that the project finished loading into Logic and he began flying around on his computer like he was controlling the Star Trek Enterprise.

And less than a week later, he handed me three tracks that actually sound pretty good. Consider my mind blown.

Don't judge a book by it's cover, boys and girls.

Will figure out how to upload said tracks and share them with you soon.

In the mean time, I've got more tracks to finish, a flaky musician to track down, and a couple of music videos to shoot.

Oh yeah, and somewhere in there I need to figure out grocery shopping.

I also need to fix my sink, which is a big, rusty, clogged-up, uncooperative mess. I brush my teeth in the shower these days...

You know you want my life. :P