Surely Someone Out There Can Relate To This...

"I have a full time job now," my old friend from high school says, grinning proudly. "We've got to get you one of those!"

I die inside a little bit. I drove all the way out to Timbuktu to see him and he goes all parental on me? Not cool.

"I'm working on it..." I say. "I'm also hoping the music plan will work out..." Even though I'm talking to someone who is technically one of my best friends, I feel like I want to crawl under the table.

"But aren't you running out of money?" he says, raising an eyebrow.

Later in the conversation he's asking me how I could afford a guitar. I wanted to just stand up and say, "Look, I came over here to eat junk food, catch up with what's been going on in your life, tell you funny stories about my commune, and geek out over obscure disco songs with you. I did not come over for a financial audit and evaluation!"

Instead, I found myself trying to justify my purchase by telling him about the great deal I got and about how I earned money from doing this or that. And as I heard the words come out of my mouth, I was saddened by the fact that I live in a world where I have to constantly discuss my financial status with people who really have no right to ask. I don't go around asking people where their money is coming from, so why do people think it's appropriate to grill me on such matters? Just because I'm not working 9-5 somewhere doesn't mean I'm an illegitimate member of society.

Overall, it was good to see my old friend from high school today, if for no other reason than to quench my growing nostalgia for the good old days that aren't really that old and weren't really that good. We listened to music that no one else cares about and laughed at inside jokes that no one else would understand. I'll admit that it is really nice to still talk to someone who knew me back when I was just an awkward, geeky teenager.

I'll also admit that it was nice to go back to my place, play guitar with The Fonz and The Poet, and hear the words "Of course you have a full time job, Lauren - it just isn't paying very well right now."

I need to get that tattooed on my arm or something...

Breathe And Keep Breathing

I did something fairly radical today.

I stood up for myself in a situation where I was essentially being bullied. 

If you know me well, you will realize that this is a big deal.  I'm notorious for avoiding confrontation and never saying things that I need to say.

But today, I put on my favorite gold bracelet, recruited an intimidating friend to stand behind me, and marched into a room to declare the following:

"I AM NOT GOING TO WORK FOR YOU ANYMORE."

I was asked to explain myself, so I gave my reasons:

"I felt like you really beat me up this weekend and I was basically volunteering for you.  I don't deserve to be treated like that."

When faced with a petty argument, I simply turned to my friend and made this announcement:

"I THINK I'M DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION.  LET'S GO." 

So we left.  And we left the man sitting there, his jaw dropping to the floor.  The quiet redhead was not going to put up with being walked on today.

When we were on the other side of the door, I asked my friend if I was a total bitch.  "No, you were a total bad ass," he said. 

And once I stopped shaking and convinced myself I handled the situation appropriately, I did feel quite bad ass.

Except now I'm officially back to square one on the unemployment thing. 

But I think I'm going to worry about that when my E.P. is all done.  Even if I'm eating Ramen noodles on toasted cardboard by the end of it. 

Hi, I'm slightly stubborn.  This being-a-musician thing will work.  It has to.

Not to be melodramatic or anything. 

Someone told me today that the secret to life is to just breathe and keep breathing.  "Everything else will just fall into place after that."  Those sound like good words to live by.  Breathe and keep breathing.

And with that, I should go to bed.  More interesting stuff to come, I promise. 

The Dream Of The 90's Is Alive...

So as some of you already know, Lorne Michaels is making a TV show about my city. This video crossed my radar a couple of nights ago:

I'm not really sure if I find it funny or offensive.

I laughed when I watched the video, but it also made me slightly uncomfortable. It describes Portland - and my life - a little too well.

I mean, it was only last week that I updated my work information on Facebook to look like this:

And I've spent way too much over the past month making purses out of duct tape. Look, this one is definitely art because it has a bird on it:

I spent all morning listing these purses on my new Etsy store. This was the first morning in a long time that I did not sleep till 11.

And what's my occupation? I guess I don't have one. I'm a musician.

I could go on and on. Like I said, the video was a little too close to home.

Of course, I'm still going to have to watch the show when it comes out.

Dear World, STOP BEING SO MATURE

Yesterday was a like a bad episode of the Twilight zone. It feels like all my friends have suddenly gone from being fairly irresponsible college goofballs to full-fledged adults. People are getting married. People are getting full time jobs and trading in their raggedy t-shirts for office attire. 9:30 PM used to be when the night started. Now it's when everybody goes to bed.

I'm probably stuck in a state of prolonged adolescence or something, but I have no desire to grow up. Not yet. Not ever, really.

Ryan used to compare himself to Peter Pan, saying he would never grow up. I used to make fun of him, but now I seem to be the one romping around in the metaphorical green unitard, refusing to truly conform to any lifestyle to requires me to be anywhere before noon.

Right now, my life is perfect. I have a lame job that is basically optional and tons of time to do all the things I want to do. I've got a musical advice column that's taking the Internet by storm. I'm writing a rock musical. I'm excavating my old journals from their hiding spots with the hopes of getting some sort of high school memoirs together. I've got a show with Original Sound Trash in a couple of days and am gearing up for rock tour (an event that seems to be ever-evolving). Life is fantastic!

Except for the part about living with my parents and not actually getting paid to do any of the things I just listed...

Transition times are so awkward.

Even Peter Pan has to get old. I think that is the most depressing picture I have seen in a long time.